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1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to
make sure you are
removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to
pull on it. If it
comes out of the ground
easily, it is a valuable
plant.
2. The easiest way to
find something lost
around the house is to
buy
a replacement.
3. Never take life
seriously. Nobody gets
out alive anyway.
4. There are two kinds
of pedestrians -- the
quick and the dead.
5. Life is sexually
transmitted.
6. An unbreakable toy is
useful for breaking
other toys.
7. If quitters never
win, and winners never
quit, then who is the
fool who said,
"Quit while you're
ahead?"
8. The only difference
between a rut and a
grave is the depth.
9. Get the last word in:
Apologize.
10. Give a person a fish
and you feed them for a
day; teach that
person to use the
Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks.
11. Some people are like
Slinkies . . .. not
really good for
anything,
but you still can't help
but smile when you see
one tumble down
the stairs.
12. Health nuts are
going to feel stupid
someday, lying in
hospitals
dying of nothing.
13. Whenever I feel
blue, I start breathing
again.
14. All of us could take
a lesson from the
weather. It pays no
attention to
criticism.
15. Why does a slight
tax increase cost you
two hundred dollars and
a
substantial tax cut
saves you thirty cents?
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